At least this way nobody can say that I'm not a reliable man. For the next week, the worst anybody can say is that I've definitely followed through on promise one and that, so far, I haven't broken promise two. If I post again in a week, then I've kept promise one and still have yet to deliver on promise two, but since promise two has no definite timeline attached to it, I still can't be said to have broken it, so my public will have to give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I am still 100% trustworthy.

If, on the other hand, I do not post again in a week (or in two weeks, or three, and so on ad infinitum), then I've broken promise one, but I've upheld promise two, so I'm still a man who keeps his word.

The logic here is infallible.

It is no wonder, then, that dream interpretation would play a role in more "new age" types of spirituality, and even that some who don't subscribe to a particular spiritual viewpoint would lend some credence to the interpretation of dreams.

My major problem, though, with modern-day dream interpretation is that it's a bit like a fortune cookie. There's no real substance to it. Go to your library or local bookstore and you're likely to find a whole collection of book purporting to be "dream dictionaries" or "dream encyclopedias." I venture to guess that for as many different books you find, you'll find almost as many different interpretations of the same elements. Add online dream dictionaries to the mix, and the situation is only augmented.

Last night I had a very strange dream which involved running with scissors, among other things. Despite that fact that I thought I had a pretty good idea of where this dream had come from, I found myself in Barnes & Noble and happened upon a dream dictionary in the clearance bin. I leafed through it and looked up "scissors," but found nothings. So, I looked up "weapons," but also found nothing. I decided to look online, then, and what I found was less than useful.

"To dream that you are using scissors, denotes decisiveness and control in your waking life. Alternatively, it may suggests that you need to get rid of something in your life. It also represents your ability to cut things or people out of your life. Perhaps you are being snippy about some situation."

Basically, then, what you're saying is that to dream of scissors could mean almost anything. Just think of everything that you could do with or associate with scissor-vocabulary, and define the dream with that.

Using this logic, I could say, "To dream of a leaf denotes that you're in a situation where you've latched onto an idea, but with enough pressure you'll fly away. Alternatively, you might thrive in the sun, but hate the winter. It also represents your ability to work well in a complex system that depends on all of its parts, and where no single part is self-sufficient. Perhaps you're worried about your mortality."

Maybe I should open up a new dream interpretation business.

I was listening to the radio today. I don't even know what the station was, but I heard a song that I really enjoyed. It turns our that the artist is some group called The Airborne Toxic Event. Apprently they are an indie rock band based in Los Feliz, which is a neighborhood in LA. I found this factoid intersting, as my good friends from Los Feliz had a band called Say Yes. I am pretty certain that they are no longer performing, though.

Today, I had to drive 15 miles to get from the Starbucks in Half Moon Bay to another Starbucks. I thought it was against corporate policy to have stores more than two blocks apart. I started my day in Los Gatos, which is near San Jose, where I had a meeting and lunch with my friend Todd. After that, I headed to Half Moon Bay because it was on the way to my evening destination. I knew that there was a Starbucks in Half Moon Bay, and I thought I would just pass the time on the internet from there. Sadly, the internet connection there was not working, so I headed to the next closest Starbucks to kill the time. The drive to Pacifica was gorgeous, though! Right along the California coast with clear, blue skies.

At Starbucks I discovered that iTunes recognizes which Starbucks location you are at and will actually show you the lineup of music that the store is playing. If you so choose, you can also purchase said music with the mere click of a mouse. I have to admit, the music that Starbucks plays isn't really my cup of tea (or coffee, for that matter), so I wasn't really that tempted to make a purchase. It's a cool feature, though.

Either of my readers may have previously visited my friend Ryan's website. He recently launched a new single serving site about single serving sites. With this, it seems that he has broken into the world of the viral web. In a recent entry on his own blog, Ryan notes that in a single day he received as many hits to his SSS as his blog receives in 3 months. When I spoke with him today, he updated me, saying that in 3 days, he received more hits on the SSS than his blog receives in an entire year.

I'm in need of someone skilled in the viral web. Know anyone?

Really?

Apparently, the British Government decided to take a closer look at the words the government and its councils use from day to day. The result? A list of 100 banned words was released by the Local Government Association (LGA) in the UK.

I did a little digging and discovered that, while most major media are reporting that this list was released just this past Friday, it was actually first released on December 11, 2007: not just this past Friday. The list was released for "National Plain English Day," one of Britain's finer additions to the calendar, I'm convinced.

The word "brainstorm," by the way, is not on the list of banned words. In addition to providing the words, the LGA also included suggestions for alternative choices to these buzzwords. One of my favorites is their suggestion to replace "coterminosity" with "all singing from the same hymn sheet."

For those of you interested in seeing the entire list, I am making it available to you here.

Permit me to tell you something about the Constitution of the United States of America. It was written by Christians who respected Christian values, including marriage. Yes, the Constitution provides for a separation of Church and State, but this doesn't mean that the State has no obligation to uphold that which is objectively true. The Founding Fathers of this country didn't think it was necessary to include moral law in the Constitution because the moral law was much more common at the time the Constitution was written. Same-sex marriage wasn't even a consideration at the time, so of course they didn't write it into the Constitution. But if you had asked them whether the separation of Church and State really meant a complete elimination of morality when it comes to the law, they would have laughed at you.

Yesterday marked the first day that same-sex couples could wed in California. San Francisco City Hall stayed open late both yesterday and today to accommodate the crowds. Now as if that isn't bad enough, when I was watching the news this evening I was appalled when I learned that today preschool children were taken to City Hall to hand out flowers to the same-sex couples who were getting married. This is just another example of how liberal society is destroying America by poisoning our children. From a denial that unborn babies are human beings to encouraging objectively disordered lifestyles by presenting such lifestyles as "good" to impressionable children, liberal Americans are completely shredding the moral fabric that this nation was founded on.

Now, I don't entirely support the war in Iraq (a topic for some other time), and I do think that global warming is an issue that needs to be addressed, but I don't think that I go too far in saying that liberalism in American is destroying this country far faster than either the war or the climate.

In general, the incidents that I witness on Muni are either humorous or inane. That is until today. I needed to get home in the middle of the day so the plumber could come make some emergency repairs (entry about that sage to come in a few days) so I was on the 38 Limited headed from Downtown to the beach. While driving through the Tenderloin, a guy boarded the bus carrying a boom box (let's call him "boom box man"). This is not terribly infrequent, although it is almost always a nuisance when such people sit in the back blasting their music for the entire bus to hear. This gentleman was no exception.

For the next 2 or 3 miles, perhaps, passengers on the bus were treated to a series of musical selections that apparently met with boom box man's approval. As we were stopped at a red light on Geary at 3rd Avenue, boom box man stood up and walked to the door - he was going to get off at the 6th Avenue stop. Now, as he moved up from the last row of the bus to the rear door, the music became louder for people farther ahead. This did not go unnoticed by a guy sitting three rows in front of me - let's call this one "angry man" - who turned around and said to boom box man, "thanks for sharing that with us, a**ho*e!"

Boom box man, now standing behind me and just to the right, wasted no time in responding angrily, "you're welcome, fu**er!" Tempers were high between both of them and a yelling match ensued, with me sitting directly in between the two of them. I was just praying that things wouldn't escalate until boom box man said, "I'm getting off at the next stop if you want to get off and settle this."

Oh no. Little did I know, though, that getting off to settle it would have been better than what happened next. All of a sudden, boom box man charged forward and leaped on angry man and the fists started flying. Angry man shot up out of his seat and it was a true battle royale. Angry man and boom box man were throwing each other into poles and on top of other passengers; it was a disaster in the making. Thankfully the bus driver saw and heard what was happening and he immediately opened all of the doors on the bus. I tell you, I have never seen a bus empty as quickly as this one did. Within 5 seconds, every person, including me, was off that bus except those immediately involved in the tussle.

I have to admit that I was a little frightened by the whole situation. I mean, I barely avoided direct involvement just by virtue of the fact that I was in the seat I was. One or two seats farther forward and I would have been in the thick of it.

Once I had taken about 5 to 10 seconds to compose myself, I decided that this type of behavior could not go unchecked, so I called 911 from my cell phone and reported the incident to the police. While I was on the phone with the dispatcher, boom box man got off the bus and started walking around a little. After 10 to 15 seconds, he walked directly over to me, got right up in my face and said, "you like calling the police, huh? Do you want me to take your phone? Huh?" I said nothing to him and he turned and walked away. I was, naturally, a little shaken by that encounter, but I continued my report to the dispatcher, adding that I had just been threatened by boom box man.

Just moments later, the police arrived, but they arrived at the wrong bus! They went to a bus across the street. I was attempting to wave them over, but they boarded the bus across the street before realizing that the issue was not there. By the time they got over to where I was, boom box man was gone and the officer that intended to pursue him drove the complete opposite direction from that which I had told the dispatcher he was walking. Seeing that my presence there was no longer useful, I decided to get on the next bus and continue home. Just before the bus arrived, though, I saw another guy get off the bus. I'm not 100% sure if it was angry man or not, but he had clearly been involved in the fight. He appeared to be bleeding quite a lot from the head (over his left eye, in particular, I think) and the moment he stepped off the bus he collapsed in the street. I'm not sure what happened to him after that - he had an officer with him and my bus pulled up. As I was boarding the new bus, I told the driver of the incident bus that boom box man had walked north on 3rd Avenue in case he wanted to relay that to the police.

I'll admit - I really hope that I don't have to witness another Muni event like this!

I think that this poem work particularly well if you read it aloud while playing some soothing music. After all, this poem is meant to setup a series of themes in a musical style. As my friend Cliff says of this poem, "Joyce applies the intricate techniques of musical composition to literature."

Bronze by gold heard the hoofirons, steelyringing.

Imperthnthn thnthnthn.

Chips, picking chips off rocky thumbnail, chips.

Horrid! And gold flushed more.

A husky fifenote blew.

Blew. Blue bloom is on the.

Gold pinnacled hair.

A jumping rose on satiny breast of satin, rose of Castile.

Trilling, trilling: Idolores.

Peep! Who's in the... peepofgold?

Tink cried to bronze in pity.

And a call, pure, long and throbbing. Longindying call.

Decoy. Soft word. But look! The bright stars fade. Notes chirruping answer. O rose! Castile. The morn is breaking.

Jingle jingle jaunted jingling.

Coin rang. Clock clacked.

Avowal. Sonnez. I could. Rebound of garter. Not leave thee. Smack. La cloche! Thigh smack. Avowal. Warm. Sweetheart, goodbye!

Jingle. Bloo.

Boomed crashing chords. When love absorbs. War! War! The tympanum.

A sail! A veil awave upon the waves.

Lost. Throstle fluted. All is lost now.

Horn. Hawhorn.

When first he saw. Alas!

Full tup. Full throb.

Warbling. Ah, lure! Alluring.

Martha! Come!

Clapclop. Clipclap. Clappyclap.

Goodgod henev erheard inall.

Deaf bald Pat brought pad knife took up.

A moonlight nightcall: far: far.

I feel so sad. P.S. So lonely blooming.

Listen!

The spiked and winding cold seahorn. Have you the? Each and for other plash and silent roar.

Pearls: when she. Liszt's rhapsodies. Hissss.

You don't?

Did not: no, no: believe: Lidlyd. With a cock with a carra.

Black.

Deepsounding. Do, Ben, do.

Wait while you wait. Hee hee. Wait while you hee.

But wait!

Low in dark middle earth. Embedded ore.

Naminedamine. Preacher is he.

All gone. All fallen.

Tiny, her tremulous fernfoils of maidenhair.

Amen! He gnashed in fury.

Fro. To, fro. A baton cool protruding.

Bronzelydia by Minagold.

By bronze, by gold, in oceangreen of shadow. Bloom. Old Bloom.

One rapped, one tapped, with a carra, with a cock.

Pray for him! Pray, good people!

His gouty fingers nakkering.

Big Benaben. Big Benben.

Last rose Castile of summer left bloom I feel so sad alone.

Pwee! Little wind piped wee.

True men. Lid Ker Cow De and Doll. Ay, ay. Like you men. Will lift your tschink with tschunk.

Fff! Oo!

Where bronze from anear? Where gold from afar? Where hoofs?

Rrrpr. Kraa. Kraandl.

Then, not till then. My eppripfftaph. Be pfrwritt.

Done.

Begin!

So for the past 10 years I have been trying to remember what the movie was. I could play parts of the movie back in my mind over and over again, and I was constantly amazed at how amazing the film was. But I couldn't remember how much of what I imagined was real and how much I was making up. I've asked several people over the years if they remember what the movie was, but the closest I got was when someone suggested that it might have been "The Dark Crystal." Considering that I had some vague recollection of a glass key, I thought that perhaps I was remembering a crystal as a key. I was reminded earlier this week about my long-time search when I noticed that "The Dark Crystal" was playing at a local cult movie theater.

So, I didn't watch Dark Crystal in the theater, but I did watch a trailer for it on my Apple TV. Nope, that wasn't the movie.

I decided that 10 years was too long not to know what the movie was, so I started a Google search. My search term was: movie glass key tree. The first 10 results didn't really yield anything, but then I stumbled upon a result with the title, "I can't find the title of a movie I saw as a kid in the 80s." YES! This sounds like it could have what I want. Here was the text of the post:

I'm pretty sure it's live action, but cartoon is possible. It is fantasy, and involved a group of kids (maybe brother/sister) that encountered a palace of some kind, which I believe sat atop a stone peninsula (there is a scene where the kids are travelling along the side of a cliff toward the palace). I believe a witch or evil sorceress lived there. The palace housed a large glass dome, under which a tree bore 'eternal youth' fruit (apples or peaches, I think). The dome protects/preserves the tree and is locked with a big golden key. The climax of the film is when the kids get the key, and somehow break the glass. I don't recall if you see the witch age rapidly, but it's possible. The kids may or may not have been accompanied by friendly monsters (though I think this may be a mixed memory from 'my favorite monster'). Any thoughts, comments and details are *greatly* appreciated.

Alright, so this sounds almost identical to what I remembered, save a few details, such as the brother/sister pair. I was very excited at this point, sure that I was going to discover the name of the 1980s gem. Well, I got the name, alright. The film was called "The Hugga Bunch," and it featured both live action and puppets. The puppets were apparently toys that were popular in the 80s called Huggables, or some such thing. Now these characters live in a land of fantasy where all they do is hug each other and live happily ever after. (Note: I have absolutely zero recollection of these characters in the movie - but there they are.)

I discovered that someone had posted the movie (which seems to be only about 45 minutes long) on YouTube, so I decided to watch it. At first I was convinced that it was a completely different movie. Here was this little girl sad that her grandma was going to be moving away and talking to her dolls and they were talking back. That's not at all what a I remembered. Then all of a sudden this girl goes through her bedroom mirror and ends up in the land of the hugging dolls! What is that all about? This isn't the movie I remember.

I skipped ahead and discovered that this was, in fact, the movie I had seen as a child. There was the castle, there was the evil queen, there was the tree under a glass dome and there was that key - that key that had haunted my mind for so many year, the key that unlocked the dome and allowed access to the tree. And best of all, there was the scene where the girl is walking on a sideways sidewalk and she says, "it sure does make your tummy feel curious." I almost cried when I heard that line. As a child this was one of my favorite things to say. I was constantly talking about how my tummy felt curious - and it was all thanks to this movie.

But, somehow, re-discovering the film was in no way satisfying. In fact, it was depressing. I had such fond memories of this movie from my childhood. I had such a glamorous memory of it, but it turned out to be a silly, simple, ridiculous film with characters that were wholly unbelievable. I partly want to convince myself that I still haven't found the movie - that this was just some cheap imitation of the real thing - but I know deep down that this isn't true. I have found that movie that I had loved as a child. It was a film that clearly made an impression on me, enough of an impression that I have been trying for at least the past 10 years to remember what it was. And yet, to see it again has almost caused that little bit of my childhood to die inside me. While I remembered enough of the film to find it via Google, it is still nothing at all like I remember it. One thing is for sure, though - this movie just isn't what it used to be.

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

I can live with this illusion.

By the way, if you're a man, you are 4 times more likely to be struck by lightning than your female companions. So, with some simple math, we can calculate that if you're a man under an oak tree you're 64 times more likely to get hit by lightning than a woman under a beech tree. Good to know.

Let me tell you, I seriously can't believe that someone who graduated Magna Cum Laude from Pepperdine and teaches high school can be as dense as this woman was.

Her first question: How many adjectives are in the following sentence? On Thursday, Siena had cold lemonade and spicy food for lunch. WHAT? How many adjectives? Oh, I don't know... seven, maybe? Or is it four? No wait, I really have no idea. What was our brilliant contestant's response? "Well, cold has to be one and I think spicy is, so two adjective are in the sentence." Wow! What an amazing intellect! The fact that it took her 40 seconds to answer is hardly impressive.

Question two: True or False? The sum of two odd numbers is always an even number? People, of course the answer to this question is TRUE. How can you not know that? Seriously. But, guess what, she didn't. She almost messed up when she realized that 2+3=5 (which is odd), but then she decided to go with true because 1+3=4 (which is even). Wow, since when is 2 an odd number? I missed that universe altering change...

Question three: What is the name for a female pig? A. Vixen, B. Mare, C. Sow "I have a gut feeling the answer is C. Sow, but I'm not sure. But gotta go with my gut, so C. Sow." Guess what, bridey bride, you're right... but not because you're all that smart. You graduated from college?

Question 4: The majority of the State of Nevada is located in which time zone? Uh oh! No options on this one... Wow. Guess what, she didn't know the answer. Thankfully, one of the fifth graders on the show did, and she was able to cheat and get the correct answer: Pacific. Wow. Brilliant. Cheating off a 9 year old.

Question 5: How many centimeters are there in three and a half meters? "I teach in high school, but not math!" What? You're a freaking ENGLISH TEACHER which means you know how to think about WORDS, which means that you should know that "cent" means HUNDRED! But you don't know that! Instead, you have to cheat off your 9 year old again, and when you see that she wrote 350, you say, "I think that sounds about right... OK." Do they purposely choose dumb college grades for this show?

Question 6: What Scottish scientist discovered penicillin in 1928? OK, I will be honest, I didn't remember the answer to this question, so I can't give our newly wed bride the hardest of times on this. Sadly, she had used up her two cheats already, so she didn't have that option. What did she go with? "Alfred Prescott." Well, NO, that's wrong. The actual answer is "Alexander Flemming." Thankfully, this show anticipates stupidity and since her 9 year old classmate had the right answer, she was "saved."

Question 7: The Danube River is located on which continent? Come on! The beautiful blue Danube is in EUROPE! E-U-R-O-P-E. Not Africa, as the bride though. Thankfully, rather than guess Africa like an idiot, she "dropped out of school" and took her $50,000 winnings.

I wasn't aware that there were people who were really quite this unintelligent in the world. OK, so the science question was hard, but the others were easy as apple pie. What would your score have been?