LancesWorld.com Journal

In a recent entry I made mention of the fact that I was being stalked by a female ninja. I have not elaborated on this for several days now, mainly for fear that my internet-savvy ninja stalker might see my comments and become more hostile than she already is. But the truth simply can't be resrtained any longer - I must tell you the tale of my female ninja.

I first noticed this ninja stalker on Januarry 25, 2007 when she broke into my locker at the gym while I was working out and stole my wallet. I had locked my wallet any other valuables safely away in a locker in the men's locker room one afternoon at 24 Hour Fitness by my office, and when I returned to the locker room after my workout, I discovered that the lock had been broken off my locker (with damage to the locker itself, as well). I was very concerned by this, but discovered that the only thing missing from the locker was my wallet. My cell phone, car keys, Notre Dame class ring - all of these were untouched, but the wallet was gone. Obviously I was very annoyed with the whole situation, but I kept my cool, since it would have done me very little good to freak out - what was done was done and I just had to live with that.

I reported the forced theft to the gym, but they seemed not to care much at all, truth be told. They didn't even ask me any questions about it - they just had me write down my name and phone number. I was pretty annoyed with them for that. I understand that they're "not responsible" for items left in the locker room, but seriously - someone went in there and BROKE INTO the locker. Regardless of whether or not the gym is responsible for my loss, they should at least care that this is happening in their establishment.

It wasn't until a day or two after this theft that exactly what happened became clear to me. I suddenly realized that this wasn't just a random theft - this was a targeted incident. I was being targeted by a female ninja. The fact that the culprit here is a woman is alone enough to make the tale interesting (given that the theft took place in a men's locker room), but that she was a ninja adds intrigue and suspense to the story. I have since concluded that she was hiding in locker near mine spying on me. How long she had been tracking me, I don't know, but it must have been at least two years. For the past two years or so, I've had the constant feeling of being watched. Now and then I'll hear a strange noise, but when I turn to look, there's nothing, or at most, a vanishing glimpse of something black. I believe this female ninja has followed me around the world, including on my recent trips to Australia, India and Germany. Why she chose Jan. 25, 2007 to strike in a 24 Hour Fitness men's locker room, I still don't know, but I'm sure I'm right. When she will strike again, and how, is a mystery. But now when I see shadows disappearing quickly as I turn my head, I'll know it's her, and I'll be ready.