Happiness is Easy
Dear Mr. Johnson,
Have you been struggling trying to find happiness? We know that true happiness has eluded the majority of people throughout space and time, so we at Comcast set out to make the world a better place. Today we are pleased to announce that we have the ultimate solution to your happiness: the Comcast Triple Play!
That's right, with the Comcast Triple Play, Happiness Is Easy™! No longer do you need to worry about things such as companionship, spiritual fulfillment, family, or any of those other mundane wastes of time. It is hard to put a price on happiness, but we found a way. Now, for only $99 per month, real happiness can be yours. Imagine the happiness you'll feel when you come home from work and are able to spend all of your time watching those television shows that give your life its true meaning. At the same time, you can surf the internet on the wave of happiness that our HappyNet™ offers you. And as if that wasn't enough to bring true happiness into your home, we also offer Digital Voice phone service! Dial our special HappyPhone™ number and an automated voice will tell you how happy Comcast is making you.
Life really doesn't get any better than this, Mr. Johnson. Why struggle with happiness any longer when it can be yours for the low price of $99 a month? Just think of all the money you'll save by not having to go out with friends! Those savings alone are worth more than the $99 price of happiness we are charging.
As an added incentive to sign up for the Comcast Triple Play today, we're offering you a special bonus gift - Comcrestaraunt, a virtual cafeteria for your television that will eliminate your need to cook for yourself ever again. Simply turn on the Comcrestaraunt and you'll experience true satisfaction from hunger and thirst!
We at Comcast are continuously striving to provide our customers with the most reliable products on the market. If you don't think Happiness Is Easy™ after you order the Comcast Triple Play, we'll laught at you and tell you you're not using it right.
Call 1-800-COMCAST to sign up, and GET HAPPY™ today!
Comcast - Life's True Happiness Delivered™!
Yours Truly,
Brian L. Roberts, CEO
If you couldn't tell, this advertisment that I saw in Berkeley today REALLY pissed me off. I'm boycotting Comcast from now on.